Doing Dorky Things

Have you ever had a day, Gentle Readers, in which you can't seem to do anything right and you don't really do anything hideously wrong but you constantly make dumb, dorky mistakes?

That would be me. Today, yesterday, and the day before. I don't know whether it's my autism coming in to play, or my really screwed up sleep schedule or the fact that it's winter and our office, where I do my of my work and communication, is a balmy 40'F, but I have been doing some very stupid shit, pretty much continuously for a while.

It's getting to the point where I don't even want to risk stepping outside, lest I do something dumb and wind up getting an 3" diameter icicle in my brain. And I can't give you examples, Gentle Readers, because the dumbness is just too small to remember. But the effect is cumulative. Although I can tell you, Gentle Readers, that I have been losing things, knocking stuff over (like forks and knives), tripping over the dogs, not being able to get ANYWHERE on time -- and usually that's a problem but not a big problem. Well, lately, I've been getting to things an hour late. oops. I'm completely unfocused and my self-discipline has left the building.

I don't know what's going on, Gentle Readers, but I do not like this! I think it has something to do with my utter lack of a routine. My autistic brain needs a routine. And I haven't had one for a while, which always makes me uneasy.

In other news, one of my own Company of Fools has stretched her wings and done something on Saturday Dec 4th that she thought she could never do. And while she didn't have a 1000% roaring memorable, will-live-in-history success, she did pretty damn good for how new she is at doing it. Tessa Rack, #888, of the North Star Kilmore Girls, I salute you :)  This was her first time doing it for real when it counted, instead of in practice where it doesn't count at all, and she acquitted herself nicely. It's been a real pleasure for me to see her grow as a person while participating in professional roller derby. If anybody took a picture of her doing great things, I will post it here, but it's still a bit too soon to expect photos.

And, I am finally beginning to understand how people have thousands of Facebook friends. I have recently found myself wanting to friend people whom I have met perhaps once or twice, people that I know well but whom I didn't think would be interested in my life (I am slowly starting to realize that FB isn't about real, *true* connections, so, it's probably ok if they don't want to know about the minutae, 'cause they can skim right over it) or people whom I have never met but admire for some reason, and people who I never thought in a million years would friend *me*, including some of those self-same people whom I have hardly exchanged more than social pleasantries with. Is this a sign of developing self-confidence? Or a new level of social awareness? Who knows? All I know is that it has taken 36 years to learn how to successfully cast the social fishing line, make the first move, and without Facebook and its ilk, I probably would still be socially functionally illiterate.

On the other hand, I would still greatly prefer to friend people on Facebook with whom I have at least breathed the same *air*. I know, my standard for personal contact is kind of low, haha, but I just can't see myself friending total strangers. There are two people of that sort in my FB friend's list right now: Vickie Lynn (who is part of Paranormal Radio, and we paranormal investigators are all sort of connected in a peer-to-peer way) and Con O'Brian, lead singer and heart and soul of the Newfoundland Irish Celtic music group The Irish Descendants, whose music I adore, purely and simply. Never met the guy. Have yet to exchange words, electronically or otherwise, with him! Though that could be because he's on a tour right now and barely has time to sleep or pee, let alone waste time chatting on FB.)

I am also FB friends with Bob Hallett of Great Big Sea and I *have* shared air with him, at quite close range, in fact. He and I have also exchanged electronic words, however brief and unhappy, and I hope one day to be able to exchange real live happy type words without me passing out through sheer nerves or opening my mouth and getting struck with OMG syndrome, ie: What You Think: "Hey, Mr. Hallett, it's nice to meet you, thanks for taking the time to meet me, I really admire your musicianship and I love your book, you've really inspired me over the past few years" but What You Say is: "Dur."

Right now I put Mr. Hallett firmly in the category of Internet Acquaintance And Possible Friend, Given Time.

There are other people, some of whom read this blog, whom I haven't met in person yet but we're friends, for all that. :) It's just a matter of time before we meet. But we already know we're friends, not just FB friends or Internet friends, but friends.

And there are some other people out there whom I have met and would like to be FB friends with, but I don't know their real names, so can't look them up on FB! I don't have their emails either.

My FB warm fuzzies counteract, a little, the whole Doing Dumb Stuff Days thing. In some ways I'm quite sensitive and getting defriended makes me panic. I get very unhappy. It's a total downward spiral. On the other hand, I have the same but opposite reaction when somebody accepts a friend request. And I have noticed that I react in the same over the top gleeful matter no matter who it is. I am democratic like that!

The Dumb Stuff is, I am afraid, frustrating my Dear Husband, who when I get like this can't understand where his smart, competent, manager went to, the one that takes care of the social calendar and reminds him of various things that has to happen and takes care of what he can't. That woman hasn't been around for a while and I think the strain is starting to show. Unfortunately, I don't know how to fix this, otherwise I would.

Any ideas?